Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:00 am
Sat January 21, 2012

Panel Round Two

Transcript

CARL KASELL, HOST:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Tom Bodett, Faith Salie and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host, at the Fox Theater in Detroit, Michigan, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

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SAGAL: Thanks everybody. In just a minute, Carl performs his Motown classic, "I heard it through the GrapeRhyme," in our Listener Limerick Challenge.

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SAGAL: If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Mo, foreign relations experts have spent decades trying to quell tensions between India and Pakistan, to no avail. Well finally, someone has a fresh, new idea to improve relations between the two countries. What?

MO ROCCA: I mean, I just think of curry. I don't know.

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ROCCA: I mean I need a clue. Between India and Pakistan?

SAGAL: It's like "Top Chef: Waziristan."

ROCCA: Oh, they're going to have a cooking competition.

SAGAL: They are. They're going to have a TV cooking competition.

ROCCA: Okay, great, all right, good.

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SAGAL: Very good, you approve? Mo?

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ROCCA: Yeah, sure.

SAGAL: All right. Think of it as a special episode of "Iron Chef," say, where the chef's secret weapon is an actual nuclear weapon.

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SAGAL: The show is called "Foodistan." That's both the name of the show and the kingdom Chris Christie hopes to rule over someday.

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SAGAL: Anyway, the show brings together 16 chefs from India and Pakistan to highlight the nations' share passion for food, because the best place to put people from two nations with a history of violent conflict is a room with open flames and a wide selection of knives.

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TOM BODETT: That actually sounds like Thanksgiving with my family.

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SAGAL: Tom, questions are being raised about the security of the prison facility at Guantanamo Bay after what was found in a prisoner's cell?

BODETT: Oh, it was like "Jihadi Today" or something. It was a Jihadi magazine.

SAGAL: Yes, it was actually a copy of Al Qaeda magazine.

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SAGAL: It's called "Inspire." We've talked about it on the show before.

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SAGAL: "Inspire" is sort of the Al Qaeda version of "Cosmo."

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SAGAL: It has articles like "42 Sex Tips You Would Be Publicly Stoned For Trying."

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FAITH SALIE: It makes me - "Inspire" does sound so lofty, right? It makes me think of "O," the Oprah magazine. You know, how she is on ever single cover and has been for ten years.

SAGAL: Right.

SALIE: You just think "Inspire" has, you know, like Osama bin Laden, backlogged all these different months of, like, you know he's on a swing for May and like...

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SALIE: He's skiing for January.

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SAGAL: There's a woman's corner in the magazine. It's just one page, and it says "If you're reading this, you should not have learned to read."

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SAGAL: Tom, Rick Perry withdrew from the presidential race this week. He also gave up his idea of flying to the moon by holding a bunch of balloons all at once.

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SAGAL: Nothing's working out for him. Perhaps the killing blow to his campaign, that final, final straw came when he took questions from voters at a restaurant in South Carolina this week, a restaurant called the Squat and Gobble.

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SAGAL: That's what it's called. And he called on who?

BODETT: He called on a Newt Gingrich staffer.

SAGAL: No.

BODETT: No. I need a hint.

SAGAL: Well, he must have been drawn by her stillness, her extreme stillness.

ROCCA: Oh no.

BODETT: A mannequin.

SAGAL: Yes, he called on a mannequin.

SALIE: Oh my gosh.

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SAGAL: It was the most humiliating thing to happen at the Squat and Gobble since the patrons realized they were eating at a place called the Squat and Gobble.

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SAGAL: Actually, to be fair to Perry, one last time, he was most likely joking, as he called on the plastic woman with her hand permanently raise, at the back of the room. But it got pretty serious when the mannequin trounced him in a policy debate moments later.

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ROCCA: What if the mannequin had turned into Kim Cattrall?

SAGAL: Maybe that's what...

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SAGAL: Maybe that's what Mr. Perry was hoping for. Mo, last month, Iran, and you probably know, show down a top secret American surveillance drone, and the US wants it back. Well, this week, Iran said they'd be happy to send us what?

ROCCA: A fruitcake?

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ROCCA: They'd be happy to send something in lieu of a drone. They'd be happy to send a picture of the shot down drone.

SAGAL: You're getting close. Not a picture of the drone.

ROCCA: A souvenir. Oh, they're going to send a little plastic drone, like from a gift shop.

SAGAL: Exactly right. They're sending a toy model of the drone, they said.

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SAGAL: The one-eightieth scale toy drones are for sale on the streets of Tehran, at about four bucks each. It's not the first time Iran has made toys out of an international incident. We all remember back to 1979 and the Jimmy Carter inaction figure.

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ROCCA: And I love the little ayatollah plush toys.

SAGAL: Oh, they were hilarious.

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SAGAL: When you press his belly, he issues a fatwah.

ROCCA: Yeah, death to America.

SAGAL: It's great.

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ROCCA: They really sent like a Fisher Price drone?

SAGAL: Well, they offered to send one.

SALIE: He said they're going to.

SAGAL: They didn't...

BODETT: Actually...

SAGAL: You know what's going to happen. It's going to show up at the CIA. They're going to have an analyst open it and he's going to look and say, "Oh my god, Iran has a shrink ray."

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ROCCA: The drones should come with a Jihad Joe.

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SAGAL: That's what we should do.

ROCCA: That would be - a Jihad Joe would be great, with a veiled Barbie, with a Barbie with a Chador.

BODETT: Uh-huh.

SAGAL: We should send a box of action figures to go and get the drone back, you know.

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(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.