Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:00 am
Sat December 24, 2011

Panel Round Two

Originally published on Fri December 23, 2011 1:01 pm

Transcript

CARL KASELL, HOST:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Nick Hancock, Alonzo Bodden and Paula Poundstone. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you everybody. In just a minute, Carl celebrates the end of 2011 by singing "Auld Lang Rhyme" in our Listener Limerick challenge. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the year's big stories.

Nick, as you know, the government tests cars for safety here in America. And to do this, they use crash test dummies. Well, some experts are now saying that in this day and age, the dummies need to be more what?

NICK HANCOCK: Rigid.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HANCOCK: It's a word, like any other.

KASELL: I know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HANCOCK: It's just...

SAGAL: It's just not a characteristic I apply to Americans usually.

HANCOCK: Oh, no, it was the dummy I was applying it to.

SAGAL: Well, if you wanted to make a dummy seem more like a modern American...

HANCOCK: Oh, I know.

SAGAL: What?

HANCOCK: Bigger.

SAGAL: Fatter.

HANCOCK: Fatter.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HANCOCK: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The researchers at the University of Buffalo say that if we want to better represent our growing population of growing people, it is time for obese crash test dummies.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: I feared that you were going to say that they needed to be dumber.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because no matter how brainless a dummy is, you can't make it text and drive.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, exactly, exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Even a dummy with Styrofoam's like "I'm not going to do that."

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: It's like no way.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, the crash test dummies, they're just too bright to replicate Americans.

SAGAL: No, actually, when you think about it, the dummy's already about as dumb as Americans because you just cannot convince them to walk more, even though they know every time they get in a car, it crashes into a wall.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You think the dummy will say maybe I'll walk to the wall. Nah, it's too far. Let's go.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nick, among the hottest new toys of this holiday season is a play set that lets kids pretend to be what?

HANCOCK: There's a dog poo play-set type thing. Is it something like that? Is it...

SAGAL: You know, how kids like to play roles?

HANCOCK: I want to say something like...

SAGAL: They like to be firemen, they like to be postmen, they like to be astronauts.

HANCOCK: Okay, okay.

POUNDSTONE: There's one now where they let them pretend to be unemployed.

HANCOCK: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Oh, they love it.

HANCOCK: Okay. Air hostess?

SAGAL: You're close. It has to do with airlines.

HANCOCK: Is it?

SAGAL: Yes. It involves...

HANCOCK: Oh, what about immigration officers...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HANCOCK: People who search you, that sort of thing.

SAGAL: Oh, isn't that fun. Little Jimmy is deporting little Taylor.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're right about searching. It's actually, you're right, it's a TSA airport security agent.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Oh my heavens.

SAGAL: TSA airport play set for your children. You get a detector wand. It flashes and beeps when it detects metal and just like the real thing, it really creeps people out when you wave it at them. If this trend catches of kids, like, wanting to play at these really aggravating, depressing adult experiences, we'll look for more toys like that, like the running into your ex-wife with her new husband Elmo.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You pull on Elmo's string, he goes, "Oh you look good."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "No, I'm fine." "Oh, you know, not ready to date yet myself."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Hope you're happy.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Alonzo, one of the curses of being a vegetarian is gelatin. It's an animal product but it still shows up mysteriously hidden in all kinds of foods, from marshmallows to gummy worms. But Chinese scientists have discovered a way to make gelatin acceptable to vegetarians, by making it from what?

ALONZO BODDEN: Making gelatin out of - can you make it out of fish?

SAGAL: No.

BODDEN: That's still against the rules.

SAGAL: Well, technically they're still making it out of an animal but it's an animal with a say in the matter.

(SOUNDBITE OF GROANS FROM AUDIENCE)

BODDEN: Humans.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODDEN: They've got a lot of them over there.

SAGAL: They do. Here's how you do it, you inject human genes into a strain of yeast, and these modified yeast cells then produce collagen which you can make gelatin from. So nowadays...

POUNDSTONE: Hold on, I got to write this recipe down.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Human DNA.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, human DNA.

SAGAL: Yeast.

POUNDSTONE: How do you spell DNA?

SAGAL: Pineapple chunks.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, this is going to be great because nowadays when you eat Jello, it reminds you of mom because when you were a kid, mom used to serve you Jello.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HANCOCK: No, no.

SAGAL: This works. When you eat Jello, it'll remind you of mom because it's mom.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Now, do vegetarians actually approve of this? In other words, are they more comfortable saying, okay, we're going to eat some human DNA with yeast rather than, you know, a cow? I mean is that okay?

SAGAL: I don't know, actually.

POUNDSTONE: I think you have to go vegetarian to vegetarian. I don't think there's going to be a group answer for that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Now, the humans...

POUNDSTONE: They don't vote as a group, because if they did Mitt Romney would be a vegetarian.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

Related Program