Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:00 am
Sat January 21, 2012

Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

You can click the contact us link on our website at waitwait.npr.org, and there you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium. You can also download the latest "How to do everything" podcast. This week: Mike and Ian tell you how to look like Crispin Glover.

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SAGAL: Somewhere in American, someone went "finally, the secret."

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SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

LAUREN KIGHT: Hi, this is Lauren. I'm from Tampa, Florida.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Tampa?

KIGHT: Fine.

SAGAL: Yes, don't tell me anymore. I don't want to know.

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SAGAL: What do you do there?

KIGHT: I work for an appraisal management company.

SAGAL: An appraisal management company? Appraisals need to be managed?

KIGHT: They definitely do.

SAGAL: What happens if you don't manage the appraisals? They start like running wild in the streets?

KIGHT: That actually is exactly what happens.

SAGAL: Wow.

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SAGAL: Scary. Well, Lauren, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell, right now, is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

KIGHT: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, HOST:

I say you should go with a rose, and poetry's better prose. To seal up the thing get a big diamond ring. I'm a planner who helps you?

KIGHT: Compose.

SAGAL: Not compose.

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MO ROCCA: Oh, but that was good.

SAGAL: It rhymes. That's good. There's a diamond ring involved. Does that help?

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SAGAL: Are you married, Lauren?

KIGHT: No.

SAGAL: Ah.

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SAGAL: If you did get married, how...

KIGHT: Can I guess now?

SAGAL: You may.

KIGHT: Propose.

SAGAL: Propose, yes, very good, propose.

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SAGAL: Ladies, did your groom propose by putting the ring in a chicken wing and feeding it to you down at Hooters?

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SAGAL: He clearly needed the services of the Exclusive Engagement Company or A Slightly Less Indecent Proposal Incorporated.

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SAGAL: These are new companies that for just around $12,000 help you plan a proposal. They'll help you hire musicians, pick a great location and avoid classic mistakes like beginning with "Darling, I'd like you to be my first wife."

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TOM BODETT: I know that, you know, money and taste don't always go together but you'd think that if you had 12 grand to spend on something like this, you could probably just pull it off somehow without the help.

SAGAL: You think.

FAITH SALIE: Or just give her the 12 grand, she's going to say yes.

SAGAL: Probably.

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SAGAL: All right, Lauren, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: At the games the whole crowd goes "hurraaaa" for "clip, clip" and "buzz, buzz" and "tadaaaa." While the freshly shorn crew of a ram and his ewe will let out a satisfied?

KIGHT: Ahh.

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ROCCA: Tadaaaa. Tadaaaa.

SAGAL: Tadaaaa.

ROCCA: Tadaaaa. Listen to the clue. And we're not trying to be like Katharine Hepburn. Tadaaaa.

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KIGHT: Baaaa.

SAGAL: Baaaa, yes.

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SAGAL: The New Zealand Farmer's Federation is petitioning to have sheep-shearing recognized as an official Olympic sport.

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SAGAL: If you're asking why, then you're asking a really good question.

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SAGAL: Enthusiasts swear sheep shearing takes athleticism to, quote, another level. Of course, if they want to make something that ridiculous an Olympic sport, they should just put on spangley dresses and do it on ice skates.

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ROCCA: And when they shear the sheep, what do they use all the wool for?

SALIE: Extreme knitting.

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ROCCA: Oh yeah.

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KASELL: Thick-rimmed specs, skinny pants, they're a tipster. So is a mustache that does a neat flipster. Also be quite annoyed and what others enjoy. That's what, science says, makes you a?

KIGHT: Hipster.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

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SAGAL: Thanks to researchers at Harvard, we now know the scientific definition of a hipster. The answer is unjustified disapproval of whatever it is your friends and peers like.

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KIGHT: I disagree with that.

SAGAL: You disagree with that. Oh, that's so lame.

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SAGAL: The study observed the habits of 200 self-described hipsters, and they noticed that once a hipster discovers that his or her friends likes the same band they like, they then reject that band. Upon hearing the results, though, several hipsters said they actually prefer the results from an independent study you probably haven't heard of.

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SAGAL: Carl, how did Lauren do on our quiz?

KASELL: Lauren had three correct answers, Peter. Congratulations, Lauren, I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine or voicemail.

SAGAL: Yay for Lauren.

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(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.