Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
1:48 pm
Fri June 29, 2012

Limericks

Originally published on Sat June 30, 2012 9:13 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888, 924-8924. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. You can also check out our How to do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian explain how to be a Wimbledon ball boy even if you are no longer a boy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

LAURA SKUZA: Hi, this is a completely geeked out Laura Skuza.

SAGAL: Really?

SKUZA: Yes.

SAGAL: Why are you so geeked out?

SKUZA: I am so excited to be on this, you have no idea.

SAGAL: You're right, you're geeked out.

(LAUGHTER)

SKUZA: I'm OK with that though.

SAGAL: I'm so glad you're out about it. It's time.

SKUZA: I'm totally - I own it.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Laura. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly two out of three times, you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on whatever device you happen to want it on. Ready to play?

SKUZA: I am ready to represent for my home state of Ohio.

SAGAL: There you are.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: They want you back, Laura, they want you back.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Harvey Milk's favorite cookie and moreo, rainbow filling is what we adoreo. Nabisco joins fights for equality rights. We're showing gay pride with an?

SKUZA: Oreo.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This week, in honor of Gay Pride, Oreo put on its Facebook page a picture of an Oreo cookie filled with six layers of rainbow colored stuff, whatever it is that's inside an Oreo.

MO ROCCA: Cream.

SAGAL: Cream. Immediately the Oreo Facebook page was bombarded with angry messages. "How dare you, Oreo" said one. And another said "My gay Oreos have undermined the values of my traditional cookies."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "Instead of milk, they demand to be dunked in a Jacuzzi."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Don't all cookies sound gay? Chips Ahoy.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Or Nutter Butter.

SAGAL: Exactly.

ROCCA: Nutter Butter is...

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Vanilla Wafers.

SAGAL: Do-Si-Dos, please.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Little Debbie. Yeah, right, OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: Women's tennis is more than a stunt, but our noises are causing affront. When we are too loud we scare off the crowd. Now they're measuring how much we?

SKUZA: Grunt.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Women's tennis has been making men uncomfortable for years, something about powerful women whacking balls with sticks.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But there's also the grunting. You know...

(SOUNDBITE OF GRUNT)

SAGAL: As they hit the ball, unladylike. So the Women's Tennis Association have announced plans to introduce the Grunt-O-Meter, perhaps the Gruntometer, which will determine if players are too loud. Fine, but it seems, you know, to be a better use of the grunt-measuring technology would be to create a new sport where the loudest grunter wins.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Another plan is to ask the women to make a noise that male viewers won't find offensive - say, farting.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: I actually don't have a joke here. This is incredibly offensive.

SAGAL: Really?

O'CONNOR: Yes, incredibly offensive.

SAGAL: It's the Women's Tennis Association that's doing it.

(APPLAUSE)

O'CONNOR: But they're only doing it because of pressure. I mean, if women can't make noises when they play sports. I mean, they already have to wear those - well they're actually kind of cute little dresses, but...

SAGAL: You don't mind those?

O'CONNOR: No.

ROCCA: No.

SAGAL: I think they should make more ladylike noises, like oh.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Goodness.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They should trill.

ALONZO BODDEN: I don't understand the point of this. Where is it going to go? What do you do if you grunt too loud? Do they say what's going to be the penalty?

ROCCA: Well you go to finishing school.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: It's really quite simple - in your off season.

O'CONNOR: Yes, you have to embroider a sampler that says "I will not grunt."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Our drink may be top of the line but the label we need to refine. It brings down the price if the name isn't nice. So we'll have to rechristen our?

SKUZA: Wine.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Wine snobs make fun of the rest of us because they say we just buy our wine based on whether it's got a cute label, or if we saw a TV ad. But it turns out, self-styled wine experts will pay more for a wine just because it has an obscure, expensive sounding name. Try Bordeaux de Hedge Fund.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It also helps, apparently they did the study, if the name is hard to pronounce. So if you really want to sell your wine? You say, oh, yes, it's a subtle soft merlot from the Kalahari, called Chateau Kjung.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Laura do on our quiz?

KASELL: Laura, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

SKUZA: Yay.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Laura.

SKUZA: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: You did really well.

SKUZA: Thank you.

SAGAL: Good job. Bye-bye.

SKUZA: All right, bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.