Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
3:12 pm
Fri June 8, 2012

Limericks

Originally published on Sat June 9, 2012 8:32 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888, 924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Cleveland on June 28th.

You can also check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast from the producers of WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME! This week, Mike and Ian tell you about the perfect snack food to start your camp fire.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: Better be healthy.

SAGAL: Oh, it's very good for you. Trust me.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JAY LEBOWITZ: Hi Peter. This is Jay Lebowitz from Avon, Connecticut.

SAGAL: Hi, Jay. Avon, Connecticut, what do you do there?

LEBOWITZ: I'm a sales rep for a large telecom full time and I also referee amateur hockey games part time.

SAGAL: Really?

LEBOWITZ: Yep.

SAGAL: We have been hearing, what with the Stanley Cup finals and all, we've been hearing a lot about like violence in hockey. Is there a lot of that in amateur hockey?

LEBOWITZ: Oh, tons of it, but mostly in the stands from the parents and the relatives watching the kids play.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really?

LEBOWITZ: Oh yeah, it's terrible.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jay. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner.

LEBOWITZ: OK.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: My olfactory sense works real well. When there's old folks around, I can tell. It is not like wet feet. No, it's pleasant and sweet. Yes, old people have a nice?

LEBOWITZ: Smell.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: Yes.

SAGAL: Researchers in Philadelphia asked people aged 25 through 95 to wear the same t-shirts for five nights straight - equipped with these sewn-in armpit pads. They asked volunteers to smell the pads and then rank the scent from "not offensive" to "oh my God what did I do in my life that I am reduced to doing this."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The pads from those over 75 were deemed the least offensive. So also this week, researchers proved that old people are totally fine with you being on their lawn, that they thought Matlock was boring as well, and that in fact they will turn left eventually.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So a big week for science on old people.

ROCCA: This evening I'm wearing Ode de Brimley.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Check in Friday, still married, of course. But your freedom is what we endorse. So, just chill at our spa while we deal with the law, our hotel staff will file your?

LEBOWITZ: Divorce.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's like a honeymoon for your divorce. The Netherlands is home to six new divorce hotels. There's plans to open them in the US as well. Lucky us. For a fee of $3,500 to up to $10,000, you'll get your divorce taken care of in a weekend, all from the comfort of your separate hotel rooms.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And for an additional fee, the hotel staff will ensure your kids get adequately neglected.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick:

KASELL: This is more than a vest that fits snug. It'll give my frayed heart-strings a tug. When a real human touch seems a trifle too much, my inflatable vest gives a?

LEBOWITZ: Hug.

SAGAL: Yes, a hug, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: With our busy lifestyles no one has time to sit around hugging anymore, which is why British innovators have come up with the perfect way to grab your hugs on the go, the hug vest. It's a little like a real hug, except it's a shirt you can wear. You'll be getting hugs whenever you want - on the subway, in your meetings, at line in Starbucks, and in bed every night alone after everyone shuns you because of your tendency to inflate and sigh.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: This is only a shirt so far, right?

SAGAL: Right. Oh yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

P.J. O'ROURKE: Because you could see where this thing is going.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly, never leaving the house is where it would be going. Carl, how did Jay do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jay, you had three correct answers. So congratulations, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done. Thank you so much, Jay.

(APPLAUSE)

LEBOWITZ: Thank you. Thank you very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.